\\ shocking, shocking.

today i am full of processed salts and carbonated sugar.
another successful bingefest at the wonderful devlan roy's house.
5 films, 26-hours, 4 men.. well.. 3 men by the end, and one family pack of oreos.
you have no idea how good it feels to finish a sheet of oreos. well, you might. gross.

in the spirit of bingefest i would like to review the films viewed:

[a brief sidenote about bingefest: bingefest is about
eating whats bad for you, watching terrible schlock and generally
catching up with good friends and becoming nonsensical at 4:30AM
after drinking 6 cans of soda pop.]

gang related:
our token rapper/actor film. we have gone through so many rapper/actor (RA) movies
that video stores are running out. the RA genre is a give and take testing field.
meaning: it could be great, or it could be like gang related and have WAY TOO much dialogue
between jim belushi and tupac shakur. i know what you are thinking.. tupac AND belushi?
no way could they screw this up... well look who's dead?
two cheese-fondues down.

slashers:
for the first 15+ minutes of this bizarre video i was under the impression that this might be
an actual japanese reality television show. long story short: it ruled even if it wasn't real.
on a game show with no rules, 6 people are pitted against three armed killers with no weapons..
and it's recorded live. chainsaws, decapitations, and
a doctor who is obsessed with tearing the one girls shirt. what are you waiting for?
oh. it also has terrible acting, virtually no swearing and brief nudity.
chocolate fondue pot!

the invincible super chan:
banned in thirty four countries! limbs are severed in a most militant style!
these are actual quotes from the back cover!
let me paraphrase: the movie is so sweet i can't stop thinking about how sweet it is.
essentially, a man (chan) can fly up mountains to fight 50 armed men and throw them into
tree branches, jumps down the mountain to fight another army, jumps back up the mountain
to rip a mans face off, then cuts a man in half. other highlights include a surfer ninja, a man who fights
with a fan, and when chan lodges a large rock into a foes mouth and jumps on his head. repeatedly.
if you wondered why kill bill was a good time, check this.
two chocolate pots.. way up.

rock and roll nightmare:
"i overheard you guys talking about bad movies and thought you should check this out."
"is it harshly bad?"
"well.. let's see.. it's canadian and.."
"say no more."
after watching super chan.. i was thinking about an early retirement/fulfilled death. but this took the night to a whole other level. it's about a house and a barn in ontario ("toronto is a happening place") that a rock band called TRITONZ (yes) are recording/vacationing at. everyone in the band brings along an appropriate babe.. except the manager. the sex and poorly choreographed rock practice sequences begin and the demon rip their hands through stomachs, infesting the members one by one. i will not spoil the rest of the movie for you, but let me say this; you will NEVER guess the ending. EVER. oh. my. god.
this film cannot be measured in fondue. i love you jon-mikl thor.

drunken wu tang:
this movie was terrible except for the rat car that jumped down the stairs. oh, and the crotch munching robot. come to think of it, the only good part was the first 3 minutes. this film will lose you in an instant, SO FAST.
empty fondue pots away!